Narrowboat Alacrity

After reading the responses of Andrew Denny of Granny Buttons fame to the  ”20 Questions” feature in Canal Boat Magazine this month.

And

The suggestion from Sarah of nb Warrior in her post on 6th May

“I swore that I would answer the self same questions here, and would like to suggest that other boat bloggers do likewise“.

I decided to chip in my 10 pennerth.

The 20 Questions and Answers:-

1. What’s your favourite canal? The Grand Union and the Kennet and Avon
2. And your least-favourite? I haven’t found one yet

3. Who would be your ideal cruising companion? My wife Jo, she puts up with my “Victor Meldrew Moments” and forgives me most things.
4. What was the last book you read? Narrow Dog to Indian River by Terry Darlington.
5. What’s your favourite time of day on the waterways? Just after dawn in summer.
6. What irritates you most on the waterways? People who don’t slow down when passing moored boats, Impatient and rude boaters.
7. When would you most like to have lived? The early 1960s Music with lyrics you can understand, the new found freedom and the canals were still carrying freight.
8. When did you last fall in? I haven’t yet. But Jo has.
9. What did you want to be at 12? A scientist. I was always blowing up things including the chemistry lab windows.
10. If I didn’t have narrowboating I’d … ? Have missed out on one of the most pleasurable things in life.
11. Narrowboaters are … ? Probably the most diverse species on earth.
12. After a day’s cruising I most look forward to … A quiet mooring with a great view, a warm evening, a pint of real ale, good company and a tasty meal.
13. The waterways need … ? A government with the balls to support the treasure that’s our canal system.
14. If you met the Waterways Minister on the towpath, what would you say to him? Just because DEFRA screws up don’t penalise British Waterways support them.
15. Windows or portholes? Windows.
16. Pumpout or cassette? Pump out; I can’t stand seeing other peoples “Floaters”. (I was brought up camping with the original elsan oildrum with a seat).
17. Canals or rivers? Canals, rivers tend to have high banks so you don’t see much.
18. Where will you be when you are 70? Still boating I hope. If global warming continues there should be more than enough water.
19. What do you think is your greatest achievement in life? To have achieved what I have now and still be sane.
20. What would your superpower be? To be able to remain calm and rational in ant situation despite provocation and to be able to steer Alacrity in reverse.

Well we have just got up for Christmas Breakfast,

“You must have had a good party” I hear you say.

Well no erm  yes we got to bed at about 5am but not from a party.

Earlier on Christmas Eve I went and picked the mother in law up to spend Christmas with us as you do, All had gone well with a tasty meal and some wine ( not too much ) we had watched some TV and dozed off. Come 11 o’clock it was decided that we were too tired to go to Midnight Mass at the village Church. Vi (the mother in law) went to go to bed whilst Jo and I made a drink we had just gone into the kitchen when Crash bang wallop I shot out of the kitchen to find Vi in a heap at the bottom of the stairs………..First thoughts from the position and colour that she was well to put it bluntly dead.

999 Jo I shouted, Vi moaned, thank God shes at least still with us, 5 minutes later the fast response paramedic was with us ” We can’t move her yet until the ambulance arrives” she said and started to examine a very dazed and totally out of it Vi ……..The ambulance arrived and so began the job of extracting Vi from the hallway without demolishing the fish tank, with her on a spinal board taped to head blocks and done up like the proverbial turkey.

We rode in the ambulance with Vi as we would both have been over the limit to drive. Just like “Casualty” as we arrived we were told to “Book her in and someone will be with you soon to explain” Well for a Christmas Eve around Midnight Casualty was a bit like the Marie Celeste patient wise. We booked Vi in and went off to find her she was being examined by the consultant who was possibly by now as confused as Vi was, because he was asking her questions to ascertain how bad her head injury was she was giving the correct answers but not necessarily in the order that he expected.

By now Vi was developing a pair of panda eyes courtesy of our skirting board.

After her Xray and with much deliberation it was pronounced that Vi had broken her shoulder and sustained mild concussion and would be kept in and re assessed so she would be going up to a ward and we should phone tomorrow to find out more.

Have you ever tried to find a Taxi on Christmas Day they are rarer than hens teeth and twice as expensive………..well we got home totally knackered  said Merry Christmas to each other and crashed into bed……………..